on inspiration...

as i sit here, unable to sleep, my mind begins to wander.  i think about my life, love, and chocolate cake.  between the bouts of senseless crying i wonder...how would things be different if...

i truly am inspired by Mom's blog.  i love her writing style.  i am also truly inspired by my dear friend Tigger's blog.  honest and committed.  they help me remember how things have been, of how i used to be.  i miss that me.  the one that would fearlessly wear whatever i felt like, dye my hair 3 shades of purple, get my tongue pierced for no other reason than i wanted to.  where is that me?  i know she's somewhere out there, i mean really, she's way out there.  i'm pretty sure she's crazy.  she'd have to be to do some of the things she did.  i guess i should check up on her, see if she's doing alright.  maybe invite her back for a visit.  who knows, if things work out she might decide to stay a while.  wouldn't that be...interesting.  i hope she remembers me.  who knows, she might not even like me now.  i know i'd be pissed if i was her.  never writes, never calls.  time to suck it up and just go.  can't be any worse than riding a roller coaster...can it?

ok me, get ready, because here i come!

on misery...

so here i am.  i need to stay up for at least another hour to take my meds.  just read the letter from the GI specialist and turns out with all the other issues i also have a fatty liver, common in the southeast (wonder if that's a racial thing).  she recommends losing weight, low fat diet and vitamin e to prevent liver scaring.  yay.  well, it won't hurt eating healthier.  right now the losing weight is easy enough since nothing tastes good and i've lost my appetite.  seems like a perfect excuse for trying something new.  since i've been stuck at home i've been taking advantage of the netflix subscription.  i'm a nut for david attenborough nature documentaries.  i love the bbc release of the planet earth series that he narrates.  argh, his cat is demanding attention as i'm trying to type.  having to backspace every other word after she walks across the keyboard.  i'm horrible company when i don't feel well.  i whine and moan and play poor-pitiful me.  when i'm really sick i'm the total opposite of my usual chattery self.  hubby gets worried when i don't feel like talking.  so i guess i'm just posting for the sake of posting.  i haven't really felt well enough to work on anything much.  i miss me.  i've been trying to keep myself occupied and in a better state of mind by crocheting.  i got a couple of hats done that i'll post pics of.  i keep playing some of my "feel good" movies.  i don't know why but sister act is one of those that makes me happy.  that and legally blonde.  which i would have never watched had it not been for hubby getting it a few years back.  so here i am still.  applying the force of positive thinking is harder to do when you're feeling so lousy.  i am going to feel better.  i will feel better.  i am going to feel better.  i will feel better.  wet, lather, rinse, repeat.  wonder if those people that are afflicted with severe short term memory loss go through more shampoo than normal...

on left overs...

so a little bit of this and a little bit of that and viola!  homemade ham mac 'n cheese casserole.  had the penne leftover from a couple of nights ago (thank goodness because there was no other pasta like substance in the house) and the ham from the night before.  the recipe went kinda like this:

Melt a pat and a half of butter in a saucepan on medium heat then add about a tablespoon and a half of flour.  Whisk well and cook for about a minute (which i then started cutting up the ham and lost track of time...).  Wash out the pot and put what's left of the stick of butter, about a pat and a half in the sauce pan, melt it then add about one and half tablespoons of flour.  Whisk well and this time keep an eye on it for a minute so it doesn't burn.  Add about a cup and a half of milk.  Whisk some more.  Chunk up some left over ham, make sure to keep all the tough parts out.  Hurry back to the sauce pan, and add a splash more milk because the beshamel is a little to thick.  Add about 6 handfuls of whatever shredded cheese was in the fridge (mmm Mexi-mix).  Stir some more.  Add another splash of milk because it's looking a little too thick.  Add in the ham and stir it up good.  Pour what little of the milk is left and add a couple of palm fulls of the cheddar cheese you just found under a bag of salad greens.  Now you should have been tasting it every now and then along the way.  If it still needs a little salt after the ham sprinkle a little Tony's on it (the green can with the funny looking cartoon guy on it).  Mix it all up.  Add the left over penne and hope you can still stir it without dumping everything out of the saucepan.  Get out one of the square casserole dishes.  I think this one was the 9x9.  Spray it down with cooking spray.  Pour out all the goodies in to the casserole dish then sprinkle two or four handfuls of cheddar cheese on the top.  Then sprinkle three to four handfuls of Panko bread crumbs (make sure to check that they aren't stale first since i have no idea when i would have bought Panko bread crumbs).  Very lightly sprinkle a little more Tony's on top.  Then carry it over to the sink and spray the top lightly with the cooking spray (this will help it brown and get good and crispy).  Pop it in the oven that you had preheated (or forgot to turn off from earlier) to 350 degrees F.  Let it be for about 10 minutes then check on it.  If the top isn't browning yet close the door and go back to the computer.  Wait for hubby (or someone else) to ask you "Didn't the timer go off already?" and go running back in to the kitchen and check it again.  If the top is nice and golden brown and you can see the cheese bubbling around the edges take it out and let it set a few minutes before serving.  Scoop it out in to or on to your receptacle of choice and enjoy.

on unwanted guests...

so the days are all kind of melding together now. with hubby working so much it's hard for me to tell when the weekend is really here.  i went out yesterday to check on the maters and GAH!  this is what greeted me:

THE HORROR!!! THE HORROR!!!

on the road to recovery...

as i've mentioned in the last couple of posts i haven't been feeling all that well.  what started as a simple diagnostic colonoscopy landed me in the hospital for four days.  during which time all i was allowed to eat was clear liquids.  that means jello, chicken broth, apple juice and unsweetened tea (which i'm pretty sure was from a powder-sacrilege i tell ya).

so they had the GI doc consult and a surgeon.  the surgeon informed me he's been in this business for 33 years now.  i commented "so you've finished practicing then?"  he chuckled in that not so condescending way of a person who's sure their of a higher plain of intelligence than you are.  he then followed with "i've never seen this happen before.  i always wondered if it could happen.  now i know it can."  it's never reassuring to hear that from a doctor.  final diagnosis: clots formed at the biopsy sites and my body treated them as infectious invaders.

so by day four (and several bags of IV antibiotics) my counts were within normal limits and my biopsies had come back clean.  no idea why it happened.  nothing is ever simple with me.  where is dr. house when you need him???

a couple of days later while sitting on the back porch hubby looked at me and said, "next time you want to lose weight lets try something different."  so after some arguing we went and bought a battery for the scale and low and behold, i had lost 10 lbs.  i guess i'm just lucky like that.  so after finishing up ever more antibiotics  i'm back off to the land of the working.  and there was much rejoicing, yay.  we'll see how tomorrow goes.

'maters...week 9

 

 

They're alive!!!  and for the most part, in better shape than i am.  I'll get more in to that in another post.  For now, I'll let you sit back and bask in the wonder of my 'mater growing abilities.

'maters...week 8 and 1/7ths

 

a little behind this week.  due to an unexpected hospital stay i've been somewhat neglectful of my updates.  so here are some pics of the current horde.

'maters...week 7 and 1/7ths

ahhhhh...the true test of patience begins.  i so do love fried green tomatoes.  to pick or not to pick...i can't believe i even have the option!  hubby teases quite brutally by coming in to the house and acting like he's wiping his fingers and then smacks his lips.  "mmm that was good." ooooo i guess just one won't hurt.  there's plenty more...  maybe just to taste it...  after all it would be a tragedy indeed if they were carried off by a bad storm, or an albatross, or a herd of lost armadillos.  i hear they just love tomatoes.  just one...then i'll stop and let them turn red...yeah, that's the ticket.  then we shall wait, patiently, unless i hear the pitter patter of little armadillo paws.  we can never be too careful.  especially not with my precious....

more on the weather...

ok this is just ridiculous.  keep in mind the external sensor is on the porch...in the shade.  my poor 'maters are wilting like crazy.  what little rain we did get just made it muggier.  the dehumidifier is on overdrive.  the cats don't even want to sit n the window.  worst of all it's too dang hot to go fishing!!!  it seems like the summer went from brrrr to melting the ice caps.  before ya know it the month will be gone.  feels like forever since we've had a nice day.  ugh, it even feels like it's getting too hot inside.  the only relief if when we go outside for more than 2 minutes and come back in.  well...i think i'm going to so take an ice bath.  no telling what the temp is now out there.  i bet they're all sold out of those little kiddy pools too.  darn it.