on a mission...

I am seeking something.  Something that fulfills me.  My Holy Grail.  My lost temple of mysterious wonders.  I am ready.

For most of my life my soul has been divided.  Korean/American, now replanted in to the South.  Who am I?  What is it that defines me?  Christian by learning with Buddhist thrown in from birth.  How do I choose a path to follow?  If I go one way can I ever come back?  Where is the road that takes me to all that I desire?  Am I brave enough to cut my own path? I think so, with help.

Most of my life has been influenced by those around me.  My biggest inspiration has been Mom.  Creative, expressive, encouraging, motivating.  She is one of my rocks.  I love her dearly.  I always will.  I want to honor her in this life.  She has taught me what unconditional love truly means.  Thank you Mom.

I'm feeling better.  That helps tremendously for I am preparing for battle.  Years of fear, indifference, cynicism, anger, regret.  They follow me where ever I go.  Sometimes it's scary, the thought of leaving behind these traveling mates that have been with me for so very long.  Hopefully they will not have the stamina to keep up with me on this new journey.  I hope to leave them far behind to munch on the dust of my progress.  But I will not forget them.  They have helped make me.  All things in this life have added to the stew that is me.

Faith has always been a difficult topic for me.  I am a stout believer of free will.  It's hard for me to truly believe in that which cannot be touched.  I cannot deny the great things I have seen in my lifetime.  Some quite horrible and others awe inspiring.  Like most of the rest of me I find comfort in a mix of beliefs.  Concepts that are mutual between Christianity and Buddhism.  I try not to pick out just the parts I like.  Faith is not quite like a meal where you can scoot things off to one side or hide it in your napkin when no one is looking.  I need more input!  I must have more data!  How can I be expected to make a eternity affecting decision without knowing...more.  I will.

Love.  I will love more.  I will put love in to the things I do.  I will finish things.  I will finish things for those I love.  For I am on a mission.

Passion.  Fill my world with passion.  The fire within me is lit and and am pouring kerosene on this bad boy.  Burn baby, burn and consume all those around me.  Let them share in the warmth of my passion.  For I am on a mission.

Hope.  Hello old friend.  I have not seen you in a very long time.  It's been so long I've forgotten the way you make me smile.  Come with me old friend.  For I am on a mission.

Freedom.  I will run when I can, walk when I cannot and fly with the dreams of what tomorrow will bring.  I shed the shackles but keep them.  I will not forget where I have been.  For I am on a mission.

Live.  I will do.  I will feel.  I will be.  I have chosen to live my life.  For I am on a mission.

For those that know me, I love you.  For those that don't, I'd probably love you too in time.  I have put a lot on my plate.  No leaving the table until it's all gone.  It's ok, I can do it, with help.  No where in the rules says you can't share.  So come with me.  I'm not THAT bad of a driver.  Sure I like to make a lot of unnecessary stops.  Who knows where we're going half the time (that includes me).  It's ok to be scared.  God knows I am.  So come on, what's stopping you?